I have been back in Fiji for nearly 3 weeks and it has been a huge relief. Returning was like I had never left. My house is the same. People are the same. Chickens are still clucking. The sun is still hot. But as I reflect, there are a lot of things that have changed.
While I am here, I have to miss the remaining trainings and gatherings of Peace Corps Volunteers. Next week all of the volunteers from my group will be meeting for their MST, Mid Service Training. It is an exciting time they all get together and have proper training on how to begin to think about closing out their service, making the most of their remaining 12 months, etc. I did not get any of this. No guidance besides a pamphlet on how to transition and job search. I didn't get closure to my Peace Corps service. And I will not ever be all together with my fellow volunteers again.
Here's the thing. Ending your service, involuntary, a year early..well it takes away a lot of the unnoticed benefits of Peace Corps Fiji. Most Peace Corps volunteers while expressing support and well wishes on facebook, none have made an effort to connect. Not one has contacted me via phone or invited me to the PC Thanksgiving despite me embarrassingly trying to invite myself, twice. Peace Corps is like a club and when people leave PC, willingly or not, it's like they are no longer allowed into the clubhouse. It's a weird experience and not one I was prepared for. My closest PC friends have moved on from our friendship and are thriving and surviving with their own new relationships and projects.
The school and students were unable to give me any sort of farewell. It is the end of the school year and because I am not PC I am no longer, technically, given permission by the Ministry of Education, to teach. When we had a volunteer from England here for 6 months there was a big party thrown for him to say goodbye. Many awesome gifts and speeches were shared. I was looking forward to celebrating this when it was my time.
All of this is sad but I am completely and utterly happy. I would welcome any of the above things to change. But living in my village and completing my work without Peace Corps is not an easy task but it is a worthwhile and fulfilling one. The village fully recognizes what it means that I came back, on my own. They know what I have sacrificed. I am realizing that the second year of a person's service is often the most rewarding. It is when all of the hard work towards integration, projects, friendships, all comes together and life becomes much more free flowing. Life is more smooth now. I know what to expect each season of weather. I know the dynamics of the village. I finally know most people's names (that was so hard). I am confident in navigating the culture and asking for help.
I wish it could have ended like it was planned. 27 months in service. While others may not notice the 14 months short on my resume, I notice it. It will forever pinch me that Peace Corps Medical, a branch of the company-the people who promote relationships and sustainability, were unable to treat me as an individual and an employee in the end but only as "cancer". I continue to fight my fight with them on discrimination while enjoying my next 3 months here in Dakuivuna.
