An Introvert in an Extrovert's World

Living in Fiji as an introvert...

**disclaimer: these are all things that I LOVE about Fiji but they are things that as an introvert I have found to be challenging. Fijians are SO friendly, welcoming and generous.

After spending 8 days away from my village and on an outer island, Kadavu..I found myself reflecting..

At first, I thought it was because I was American..but that I would adopt and flourish in the culture like I have in any other experience immersing into the unknown. I realize now, after a week away in a new village, a lot of the reason I struggle is because I am more introverted than I was in my younger years. I have learned to find peace with myself and be okay with being alone...actually more than ok....I enjoy being alone, it is how I "recharge". (An extrovert would likely get this same charge by chatting with friends or going to a function.) This is far from who I used to be...afraid of being left out, always wanting to be with friends, serious FOMO disorder.

Here are a few examples of daily experiences that drain me..they each take some of my charge away.

*If in public (which is anywhere others will see you..which is nearly everywhere..grocery store, sidewalk, outside your house, at work, on a boat) and you want to have a snack or buy a soda...you will need to share, with whoever is nearby you, friend, or complete stranger on the bus.

*People will tell you to eat more "kana..kana vakalevu", eat this, eat that, do you want more "dua tale", or they may just put something on your plate. Fijians want you to enjoy their food and they want to take care of you. I love to eat but I can't say I am a fan of being on display while I eat. I had to say no thank you, "vinaka", probably 10 times in one meal this week.

*If you go somewhere alone it assumed you are lonely and do not actually want to be alone. Today I went and sat under a mango tree to catch some breeze, be alone, and just think..relax..try to recharge. I was there less than 2 minutes and an adorable older woman a sweet smile came and sat next to me and wanted to small talk. I know why she was there. She thought I wanted someone to be there. I wish I had the charge to have engaged...but I didn't. It was the 8th day of no days of recharging. I had to excuse myself and walk away. I felt terrible, but I couldn't do it. Small talk isn't something introverts excel at to begin with, on a full charge.

As an introvert, I just want to blend in. I want to eat with everyone and have no special attention given to me. Everyone at the meal will pay attention to exactly what and how much I eat. This week was especially challenging because unlike in my village, where I have my own house, I was literally "on" for 8 days. I learned many new things and enjoyed the new people and exposure. But..it was 8 days with no recharging. I noticed on day 5 is when I had completely run out. Nearly everything anyone did began to annoy me. I needed to have some me time but there was literally no opportunity. Not even when I was sleeping. Fijians often sleep in a large room all together..like a slumber party.