Talanoa: Make New Friends...but Keep the Old, LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa

Increasingly over my life I have become more of an internal person, especially in new situations. I love to socialize and am definitely not afraid to speak up, but this is different while in another culture. I have to question my instincts and learn the new norms of friendship. "Your relationships with host nationals, then, as well as theirs with you, are necessarily shaky in the beginning, more cultural than personal" (A Few Minor Adjustments, 1997, p.41). Small talk is not my thing and I have never been a natural at networking. Those who are will flourish and quickly make friends here in Fiji as storytelling is at the center of it all. But for those of us more internal folks it is a bit more of a challenge. Most of my conversations with people in my village revolve around the weather, my projects, if I am going to stay in Fiji, and if I know Perry Baker-the talented USA Rugby player. It is a rare occasion that my conversations have gone much deeper than this. Fijians love to talk religion and politics but this is something I generally try to avoid discussing as much as I would love to...but better safe than to get myself into a sticky, heated situation 7,000 miles from home.

 "In your own culture you instinctively know what behavior is culturally appropriate or normal in a given situation, and you can thus immediately attribute variations to the individual; you start to see individuals almost at once. Overseas, until you know the norms, you can never be sure where the culture stops and (insert name of person) begins" (A Few Minor Adjustments, 1997, p. 41). This is especially true with religion in Fiji. It is difficult to tell what a person believes because of the Bible and what it is they as an individual believe. Women and men, generally, share different roles here in Fiji than we are accustomed to in America. They are very traditional in the sense that women cook and clean and men go to the farm...although women do that too. But even more so in Fiji, men eat first, sit up front (men and women do not sit together),  and in some homes it is seen as once a couple is married the man 'owns' the woman in which they use the bible as justification with this belief. This directly affects the increased domestic abuse, cheating and disconnection that takes place within men/women relationships. These beliefs and practices are not followed in every home or community but they are common. And so with the various differences between America and Fiji in regards to relationships it makes it difficult sometimes to know what a person truly values, believes..what makes them tick and what is their culture and all they have ever known. Most women here do not feel inferior. So does it mean they are weak if their husband eats before them? No. It means it's what they know. As an outsider I first need to understand and recognize these norms before I am able to begin to forge meaningful relationships that go beyond getting to know the culture.

This month I am dedicating my efforts to stepping outside of my comfort zone and forcing myself into more situations where an opportunity lies to get to know people further, deeper, beyond knowing them as a Fijian and getting to know them as an individual. It is a slow and uncomfortable process but here it goes...

Above: My bestie, Koini. Nice to have someone on the same level with me language-wise. She also loves to color, play with animals and sing loudly. 

Above: My bestie, Lepani. I tell him anything and everything...which I think he often regrets.