All down hill

On August 17th (3 days before my birthday) I went to Suva and had an ultrasound done. I had been having some minor issues with my menstrual cycle and so the gynecologist wanted to have a ultrasound done just to rule out something like a benign polyp. My uterus scan was clear and those issues I was having have since self-resolved. However, that day the lab technician found a mass inside of my bladder. The next week I saw a Urologist and had a repeat scan. Mass was still there. And so Peace Corps Medical wanted to send me overseas. After confusing reasoning for wanting to send me to New Zealand, and then Thailand, Peace Corps finally said to go home. No one communicated anything to me except that I was going. But okay, so I go. I meet with a urologist in Minnesota who in my first visit seeing him does a simple and fast look inside of my bladder through a cystoscopy. It took less than 2 minutes and we were in his office and he confirmed the scan findings. We scheduled surgery and the following week I had surgery, removal and biopsy of the tumor.  Pathology confirmed it was low grade, non invasive bladder cancer.

Fun Fact: 9 out of 10 people in the United States with bladder cancer are over the age of 55. And 75% of those people are men.

It was successfully, fully removed and no other treatment such as chemotherapy would be necessary. There is a chance of reoccurance but with check ups would be simple and easy to remove once again. The doctor wrote in his notes for me to have a cystoscopy done in 3-6months. Again, the cystoscopy was that very simple and fast peek inside of my bladder while I was awake and in his office. So that means in my year of service remaining in Fiji, I would need ONE simple, fast check up that is very routine for a Urology Specialist...who I have already met and seen in Fiji. He is familiar with what he would be looking for in reoccurance as it it likely to come back the same way it did the first time, if it comes back.

Peace Corps has said they will not let me return. At first they hardly gave any information as to why this decision was made saying, "we are more comfortable with you having care in America." Great, awesome Peace Corps. But I don't need any form of care until 6 months from now so why am I not going back for a minimum of 6 months? In 6 months I could have a cystoscopy in Fiji with the Urologist I have met, my Urologist in Minnesota is comfortable with and I am comfortable with. It is his speciality and this is again a routine, simple,  non invasive check. It would be like a gynecologist giving a female a pap smear...IF at that check up something was found I would completely understand Peace Corps separating me from my service at that time. Shoot, they could even send me home FOR the cystoscopy at 6 months and I would accept a medical separation at that time..even though I the test could come back clear. Because what does 6 more months in country mean? It means I can assist my youth in finishing their poultry farm project we started in July. The same project in which I JUST had thousands of dollars deposited into my account from my approved Peace Corps grant that me and my youth group spent months preparing. I could prepare my community , village, counterparts, teachers, coworkers, students, boyfriend and friend for my departure. I could attend a scheduled Let Girls Learn Conference and bring my counterpart, building up their sustainability in Family Life Educatiom-our purpose in Fiji. I could attend the mid service conference for Peace Corps Volunteers. I could search for a job..better preparing myself mentally, physically, financially and with insurance...this would make the most sense for my health. I could say goodbyes and all parties involved could have closure.

Cancer is a scary word. But Between now and 6 months from now that's all it is..a word.. I do not need any care. 6 months is a long time in the world of Peace Corps. So why do they want to make the extreme, conservative, unfair decision to kick me out of the Peace Corps RIGHT NOW? I still am not clear on that.

P

Dua Tale

In Pre Service Training our wonderful Director of Programing (Warren Passin) told us our 27 months of service would look something like a roller coaster. The highs would be high and the lows would be low. This couldn't be more true. The physcial, mental, emotional, spiritual, and social experiences have been mountains and valleys and everything in between.

The last year has been a roller coaster (side note: Fijians actually don't know what a roller coaster is) for Fiji as a country. History was made. Cyclone season was very busy with heavy rain, strong winds, false and misleading weather warnings and of course Winston-the strongest cyclone in the world to ever hit land.

That didn't stop Fijians from doing what they do best. Just two weeks after Cyclone Winston the Fiji Rugby 7s team "Flying Fijians" won the Las Vegas 7s tournament. They went on to win the 2016 World Rugby Sevens Series, winning in Dubai, Hong Kong and Las Vegas ending with a total of 181 points ahead of South Africa and New Zealand. They then beautifully executed a win in the 2016 Olympics bringing home the gold-Fiji's first ever medal. 

There is nothing that can compare to what Rubgy 7s is like in Fiji. When we say the nation stops, we mean it. When has America ever declared a public holiday because the Patriots won the super bowl? People in America hardly even follow USA sports, they stay close to their hometown teams. The "Flying Fijians" bring an entire nation together and not just when they win. Fijians cheer the same weather they are winning or losing. They are the truest, most loyal and honorable fans that exist.

Hightlights of Fiji's win of the Las Vegas 7s Tournament right after Winston

This year Fiji was rewarded for that unmatchable loyalty. The rebuilding would have continued with or without but now it's done with a little bit bigger smile and an even warmer heart.

And so my one year mark in Fiji fast approaches, shortly after I turn 27 years old. One of my lowest lows has quickly turned into the highest of highs. Thank you Fiji. Vinaka vakalevu Viti. Forgive me for my errors and let's continue to rise up, together.

A Day in the Life

Blog Challenge week 3 of 10!

2-3 days a week I go to the school to teach Family Life Education (Lifeskills, Reproductive and Family Health, etc). On these days I load up with the 20 some kids from my village into a carrier (back of a truck with a tarp over it) and we go 2.5km to Naiyala High School. The school day typically is from 8am to 4pm.

No two days are the same, but here's a snap shot of a day in the village.

6:30am - I typically wake up at 630am when the live chicken alarm goes off and my cat comes home from wandering around the village, meowing for some food and love.

7:30am - I wash any dishes left from the day before and do laundry (hand wash and hang on the line to dry) if it's a sunny day.

8:30am - I walk over to the neighbor's  (pink house) to see if anything is happening in the village that day. If no function (funeral, workshops, wedding, village clean up, visitors, etc) I continue on with the day.

Socializing outside the pink house

9:00am - I have some tea/coffee/breakfast..sometimes at the pink house, sometimes back at my house. About once a week I go to town (15 minutes away by bus) at this time to get groceries (ramen noodles, lentils, in-season veggies from the market, onion, potato, egg).

Korovou Market

10:00am - I clean and organize the house, sweeping with my sasa broom made from dried coconut leaves.

Waisea using the sasa broom

11:00am - I start to prepare lunch. Relax a bit.

11:30am - I  do any preparation for my FLE classes, or do my tutoring (to learn Fijian) homework or write a blog post.

12:30pm - Eat lunch.

1:00 - Take my bath. Right now (July) is winter in Fiji. It's only 60-70°F but you'd be surprised how cold that feels after the summer here. A cold bath outside (thats what they call a shower) is painful in the winter. A quick dump, soap and run.

2:00pm - walk around, usually ending up at the pink house again, for afternoon tea/snack.

4:30pm - Prepare dinner. Take my laundry off the line.

5:00pm - Relax, watch tv on my phone or computer. Do more work..maybe research/emails/planning for the village youth projects and workshops.

6:30pm - Eat dinner.

7:30pm - Fijian tutoring 2 days a week. If no tutoring and don't need to teach the next day I may go and find some place to drink grog/socialize. In Fiji you aren't invited to things. If you want to go, you go. So if I hear people drinking I say "bogi" (night) wait for their quick reply back "bogi"! and I join.

Grog has many formal purposes but this is a picture of a casual hangout, drinking and playing cards

10:00pm - Watch more tv or browse around on the internets if I have data (wifi prepaid for the phone). Or color in my adult coloring books. Or listen to my audio books.

11/12pm - Bed time. Tuck in the mosquito net, close the windows (windows in Fiji only close about 3/4 of the way), grab my flashlight in cases of getting up in the night and Moce (sleep). Less waking up in the night now that I have Zazu the Cat to fight off the rodents.

Noqu Vale (My Home)

Enjoy this video of my little yellow house in Fiji! My house is the old medical dispensary. I love it! Any questions? Go to my Question Box page and ask!

 This video was taken my first month at site. I will be posting another video to show how my home has changed over the last 9 months. Can you guess how it has changed?


This was a part of Blogging Abroad Blog Challenge, Week #2

Talanoa: Make New Friends...but Keep the Old, LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa

Increasingly over my life I have become more of an internal person, especially in new situations. I love to socialize and am definitely not afraid to speak up, but this is different while in another culture. I have to question my instincts and learn the new norms of friendship. "Your relationships with host nationals, then, as well as theirs with you, are necessarily shaky in the beginning, more cultural than personal" (A Few Minor Adjustments, 1997, p.41). Small talk is not my thing and I have never been a natural at networking. Those who are will flourish and quickly make friends here in Fiji as storytelling is at the center of it all. But for those of us more internal folks it is a bit more of a challenge. Most of my conversations with people in my village revolve around the weather, my projects, if I am going to stay in Fiji, and if I know Perry Baker-the talented USA Rugby player. It is a rare occasion that my conversations have gone much deeper than this. Fijians love to talk religion and politics but this is something I generally try to avoid discussing as much as I would love to...but better safe than to get myself into a sticky, heated situation 7,000 miles from home.

 "In your own culture you instinctively know what behavior is culturally appropriate or normal in a given situation, and you can thus immediately attribute variations to the individual; you start to see individuals almost at once. Overseas, until you know the norms, you can never be sure where the culture stops and (insert name of person) begins" (A Few Minor Adjustments, 1997, p. 41). This is especially true with religion in Fiji. It is difficult to tell what a person believes because of the Bible and what it is they as an individual believe. Women and men, generally, share different roles here in Fiji than we are accustomed to in America. They are very traditional in the sense that women cook and clean and men go to the farm...although women do that too. But even more so in Fiji, men eat first, sit up front (men and women do not sit together),  and in some homes it is seen as once a couple is married the man 'owns' the woman in which they use the bible as justification with this belief. This directly affects the increased domestic abuse, cheating and disconnection that takes place within men/women relationships. These beliefs and practices are not followed in every home or community but they are common. And so with the various differences between America and Fiji in regards to relationships it makes it difficult sometimes to know what a person truly values, believes..what makes them tick and what is their culture and all they have ever known. Most women here do not feel inferior. So does it mean they are weak if their husband eats before them? No. It means it's what they know. As an outsider I first need to understand and recognize these norms before I am able to begin to forge meaningful relationships that go beyond getting to know the culture.

This month I am dedicating my efforts to stepping outside of my comfort zone and forcing myself into more situations where an opportunity lies to get to know people further, deeper, beyond knowing them as a Fijian and getting to know them as an individual. It is a slow and uncomfortable process but here it goes...

Above: My bestie, Koini. Nice to have someone on the same level with me language-wise. She also loves to color, play with animals and sing loudly. 

Above: My bestie, Lepani. I tell him anything and everything...which I think he often regrets. 

Talanoa: The Hardships Aren't Always Dramatic

Values and assumptions are a daily battle for me in the Peace Corps. When things I believe strongly in or against such as Domestic Abuse, Basic Education as a priority, Kindness for animals are challenged it is difficult to know the balance of "this is another culture and that is okay", and "this is why I am here..to share my education, experiences and knowledge." Because after all we only do better when we know better..But with every value I have to say to myself "is my way better?" Such as the concept of 'kerekere' (Fijians amazing culture of sharing..there will be a post talking about this more in the future), parenting styles and medicine.

"The real sacrifice you make in the Peace Corps is in the form of tremendous daily and hourly effort required to speak in another language and be effective in another culture, the constant struggle to be self-aware and sensitive. You don't give up one-hour dry cleaning; you give up being relaxed" (A Few Minor Adjustments, 1997, p.29)

While I certainly never used dry cleaning in the US, the idea is right on. Yes, mice, rats and centipedes are battled daily. Yes, my shower is freezing cold, always. Yes, when it rains hard water drips on my head as I sleep. Yes, I hand wash any and everything that needs washing. No, I do not have a fridge. No, I do not have a TV. No, I do not have a computer or unlimited internet. No, I do not have Air Con. But these are the easy adjustments. These are the adjustments we envision when we sign up for the Peace Corps.

Language is a barrier that is so real. Most everyone is knowledgeable in English and I am learning more Fijian every day but the reality is that unless someone needs something from me they aren't going to speak English. In meetings and social situations Fijian is spoken. While I can pick up words and attempt to piece them together, I've learned the hard way it is best to just ask someone to translate afterwards.

...in the first village youth meeting I attended I listened attentively. I heard the words such as "toa" (chicken), Break-Up Party (end of the year party) and Pacific Harbour (resort strip by the beach) and so I put together we were going to take a trip to the beach and have chicken dinner to celebrate! Great! How fun! So excited! I asked someone after the meeting what all was discussed and I was told ONE youth was going to Pacific Harbour for an art camp. There was a party next month in the village. And if you paid $10 for a raffle ticket you might be able to win a live chicken....

It is difficult to be an active participant in any meeting or to engage in the conversation and jokes in social situations when Fijian is being spoken. I can't even attend church and have a clue so I day dream and sing songs.

In social situations, I laugh when they laugh (probably about me sometimes) and I often get lost in my day dreams about what I'll eat next time I am in the city or what lesson I will teach to the kids in their class. With a language barrier comes a barrier to most things..respect from students, work in the village and local friendships. I am being tutored 1-3 times a week and am most definitely making progress but I am guessing it'll be about my 27th month before I feel remotely adequate. 

To never know what is going on carries an immense amount of anxiety. Letting go and going with the flow are ideal and I have become quite skilled with this. But by no means have I mastered this skill. I will wake up some days to a wedding in the village (who knew..not me) or I will show up at school to realize they switched the schedule and I do not have any classes that day...or I have 3 extra classes that day. Sometimes I will show up to a grog drinking session thinking it is a purely social situation come to realize it is a meeting and at the end I am asked "what do you think Melissa" (uhhhh no idea what yall have said in fijian the last hour...).

Stay tuned for the next story on what making friends has been like for me...

Above: This is Joe, another volunteer at my school, from England. On the day the New Zealand Prime Minister we had no idea what was going on and no one accepted our help. So we walked around aimlessly taking pictures and doing important jobs such as blowing up balloons.

Above: One of the 6 large, biting centipedes I have killed in my house

Above: This is New Years Eve. Big parties are the best...because there is no need to understand what is going on. Ya just gotta be up for singing, dancing and drinking. And on New Years..okay with water being splashed on you

Talanoa: Culture Shock

It is November 9th, 2015. I have now left the host village and been dropped with my two suitcases, foam bed and gas stove to my new home of Dakuivuna Village. By dropped, I mean quite literally, dropped off and left in my empty single room house. My amazing, supportive and loving host mom, Matilita, followed me to my new village and stayed with me for a few hours helping me to clean, organize and meet my neighbors.

Up until November, my adjustment into Fiji was what I expected...new and different but manageable and enjoyable. I believe adjustment into a new culture inevitably begins with culture shock. The simple definition of Culture Shock, from Merriam-Webster Dictionary is: "a feeling of confusion, doubt, or nervousness caused by being in a place (such as a foreign country) that is very different from what you are used to". For me, the brunt of this shock took place my first two months in my new village. Culture shock is no new feeling to me. I have lived in another country before, and I have lived in parts of the United States so different from what I knew that I experienced culture shock there as well. I am good at observing other cultures in order to learn how to predict their behavior-which is the first part of adjustment. In the host village and then in my new village, I said "yes" to any and everything to allow me to observe, identify and predict host country behavior. However, what I hadn't prepared for was the high expectations of my new home. They weren't paid for me to come. They had to provide me with housing at their own expense. They weren't told I would be making many mistakes. They were told I had been in training for the last two months learning the language and culture. They weren't provided a training on what Peace Corps is or what (United States) Americans are like. They were told all of the wonderful possibilities and opportunities I would be bringing to their community. I quickly became overwhelmed by these new expectations. I could predict the behavior, but I was having a hard time accepting this behavior.

3 Parts of Adjustment, according to A Few Minor Adjustments:

• Predicting host country behavior
• Accepting host country behavior
• Changing your own behavior 

And so my adjustment journey was interrupted for further discovery at acceptance. This was a step that was going to take some time. I first needed to identify what I was bringing with me...the "baggage" I was bringing from my own culture. 

Steps to Cultural Understanding and Acceptance, according to A Few Minor Adjustments:
1. An awareness of your own cultural assumptions and values
2. Acceptance of the reality of your own cultural conditioning
3. Acceptance of the reality of the cultural conditioning of others

I thought this would be easy. I see myself as a painfully self-aware person. I have been blessed with many years filled with many choices followed by a lot of reflection and self-discovery. But the reality is "...people who live in a particular culture, who manifest it in their everyday actions are the least likely to be aware of it. This is because you express your culture naturally, unconsciously, without thinking about it" (A Few Minor Adjustments, 1997, p. 37). The village in Fiji has many rules and beliefs that (United States) Americans break and go against naturally almost instinctively. In the village women cannot wear pants (or shorts), you cannot wear hats or sunglasses, you must say "bogi" before entering a home at night, you must not sweep or do laundry at night, if someone asks for one you give them five, if someone borrows something it will not be returned, and the list is endless. Most of these rules and beliefs are easy to accept and adopt. But there are some that go against everything (United States) American. Sometimes, it is "not until you leave your own country that you start to examine or articulate these values and assumptions" (A Few Minor Adjustments, 1997, p. 37).

So what did I discover? What are the (United States) American values and assumptions that I didn't even know I held?

Please stay tuned for the next chapter.

Above: My little yellow house. Tin roof, concrete walls and floor

Above: My host mom, Matilita (in the green/brown) and my new neighbors helping me set up my mosquito net 

Above: Bush training. Weeding at a neighbor's farm with my machete